Learning to trust again and love again after a relationship comes to an end is a slow and painful process. Listed below are 7 steps to help a woman get back on her feet and back in the dating game after a difficult breakup.
1) Learning to Trust Yourself
Your faith and trust in the universe are being tested right now. The first step on the road to recovery after a breakup is learning to trust yourself and to trust in your sense of judgment. If you fell for “The Prince that Becomes the Beast” and you had no idea what you signed on for with this person, and you’ve come me to realize he was a liar, a louse, a cheat, an addict, a thief, or whatever horrible truths came to light, forgive yourself for being too trusting, and vow to pay attention to the red flags along the way when getting involved with someone in the future. If you ignored your gut instincts telling you that he wasn’t who he claimed to be, then promise yourself that you will listen to your gut from now on.
2) A Time to Reflect on the Relationship
A period of introspection after a failed relationship is an extremely important part of the healing process. You need to allow yourself to mourn for the ending of the relationship. You really can’t bypass this step, as painful as it may be, or you’ll just have to do it sometime in the future, so why not do it now? Next you need to come to terms with the reasons for the breakup and take responsibility for what you could have, should have, or would have done differently. Own what was your wrongdoing and be fair in your assessment of his. For example: Did you make excuses for abuse? Could the breakup have been done with much less drama and trauma? Did the person “ghost” you? When someone pulls the “poofing and disappearing act,” then the healing process is made all the more difficult, because you’re not even sure what happened; there’s no real closure; and you weren’t even given a chance to go into the arena and fight for the relationship. In this case, you just have to learn to accept what you can’t change and move on.
3) Refrain From Male Bashing
This step can be a really difficult one to follow, because the temptation to generalize and say negative things, such as: “All men can’t be trusted,” or “Men are natural born liars,” is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying these things doesn’t help; and in truth, this will work against the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction assumes what you’re saying is truth, so if you keep saying, “All men suck,” then the universe will keep bringing you one bad man after another, until you stop saying negative things. Acknowledge that this one man did you wrong, but don’t hold the whole male species responsible for this man’s questionable behavior.
4) Be a Lover to Yourself
Treat yourself kindly during this period. Get extra sleep. Try to eat well. Treat yourself to a massage or a manicure. Listen to upbeat, positive music, and whatever you do, don’t play your favorite heartbreak album over and over. It won’t help. Trust me, it only makes matters worse.
5) Practice Forgiveness
You don’t have to forgive the man’s actions, if the things he did were really horrific, but you do need to forgive the person; otherwise, you’ll stay stuck in victim consciousness. Forgiveness sets you free. Then forgive yourself for getting involved with him. Forgiving yourself is probably the hardest and most important step on your road to breakup recovery.
6) Accept This Truth: Not All Relationships are Meant to Last Forever
There are lessons to learn in a person being brought into our lives, and lessons to learn from this person being taken away. Come to trust in the destiny that brought you together in the first place and the fate that drove you apart. Recognize that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a limited amount of time, and when that unique moment in time passes, then we need to learn to bless these relationships and let them go.
7) Placing Your Trust in the Universe
Think positively and trust that there is something better waiting for you on the other side of this newly opened door. Believe that there still is “The One,” for you out there, and use this alone time to heal your issues and to become the best version of you that you can be. Then wait patiently for your new love to manifest.
Cindi Sansone-Braff, The Romance Whisperer, talks to the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships. Free excerpts of these books are available on Amazon. WholeJoy.com in association with Amazon has cited Grant Me a Higher Love as one of the greatest texts on the law of love. Cindi is a featured Dating Expert on one of the largest dating sites in the UK: Older-Dating.Co.UK. She has been featured as a Relationship Expert in: the Huffington Post, MSN.com, YourTango, Bustle.Com, the Inquisitir News, Brides, About.com Dating, and the Deseret News. She is a Star Patcher for East Hampton Patch and a Featured Member of Blogher. Call-in or listen every Thursday night, 7:00 pm EST, to her radio show, where you can get free psychic and relationship advice: www.blogtalkradio.com/higher-love. Be sure to check out her web site at: www.grantmeahigherlove.com. She was named Best Psychic five years in a row by the Long Island Press, recommended by Newsday as one of the best psychic/mediums on Long Island, featured in the Daily News and Cablevision’s Neighborhood Journal. Visit her Facebook Page: Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationship, which has 26,000 followers.