I am so proud to feature an article written by Blair Nicole. She is a PR & Media Relations guru by profession and a writer by choice. She’s a contributor at Elite Daily, Social Media Today, Examiner.com and Inquisitr.com, among others. She’s a full time traveling nomad and sits on the Board of Directors for 3 non-profits. You can find out more about her at Blair-Nicole.com
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In a generation best known for it’s hookup culture, the question of “does hooking upmake you a slut?” is one that comes up often. But answering the question is easier saidthan done.The word “slut”, typically used as a shaming word, is colloquial at best and the contextis always relative to who your friends are. For instance, we all know the doublestandard that exists between men and women. Men can sleep around all they want andthey will be known as a god among their guy friends and community. However, theperception is that women who sleep around are making a mistake and thus arereducing their value in the eyes of their peers.The only way to answer this question is to break it down to three parts:1. Is my hooking up normal or abnormal?2. Who am I really trying to please?3. Am I happy with my decisions?Point: Slut-Shaming is a MythHooking up is a fairly common practice, whether online or in person or both, and casualsex has been “normal” for men and women for quite some time. There does seem to bea stigma about “easy women” and this seems perpetuated by certain men—the samemen who use the word “bitch” to describe a woman, and “hoe” to describe a womanwhose desire for sex is just as heavy as a man’s. Millions of men use adult datingwebsites (Ashley Madison ring a bell), but very few men are labeled as “sluts”, at leastin the negative sense. Men who actively pursue sex are just viewed as men, and insome cases even boost their social standing.Therefore, at the heart of slut-shaming is at least a touch of chauvinism.Of course, that certainly doesn’t mean that the arguments against women having morefree sex is only coming from men. According to Cosmopolitan and a study by theUniversity of Michigan, women are often very critical of other women’s sexual habits ontheir own. According to Cosmo, “Participants were first asked to read a short storyabout casual sex. In one story, a man approached a woman and in the second, awoman approached a man. Afterward, they filled out a survey about how theyperceived the characters in the story. The women who asked for sex “were viewed asmore promiscuous, less intelligent, less mentally healthy, less competent, and morerisky than men who accepted the same offer.”
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In a generation best known for it’s hookup culture, the question of “does hooking upmake you a slut?” is one that comes up often. But answering the question is easier saidthan done.The word “slut”, typically used as a shaming word, is colloquial at best and the contextis always relative to who your friends are. For instance, we all know the doublestandard that exists between men and women. Men can sleep around all they want andthey will be known as a god among their guy friends and community. However, theperception is that women who sleep around are making a mistake and thus arereducing their value in the eyes of their peers.The only way to answer this question is to break it down to three parts:1. Is my hooking up normal or abnormal?2. Who am I really trying to please?3. Am I happy with my decisions?Point: Slut-Shaming is a MythHooking up is a fairly common practice, whether online or in person or both, and casualsex has been “normal” for men and women for quite some time. There does seem to bea stigma about “easy women” and this seems perpetuated by certain men—the samemen who use the word “bitch” to describe a woman, and “hoe” to describe a womanwhose desire for sex is just as heavy as a man’s. Millions of men use adult datingwebsites (Ashley Madison ring a bell), but very few men are labeled as “sluts”, at leastin the negative sense. Men who actively pursue sex are just viewed as men, and insome cases even boost their social standing.Therefore, at the heart of slut-shaming is at least a touch of chauvinism.Of course, that certainly doesn’t mean that the arguments against women having morefree sex is only coming from men. According to Cosmopolitan and a study by theUniversity of Michigan, women are often very critical of other women’s sexual habits ontheir own. According to Cosmo, “Participants were first asked to read a short storyabout casual sex. In one story, a man approached a woman and in the second, awoman approached a man. Afterward, they filled out a survey about how theyperceived the characters in the story. The women who asked for sex “were viewed asmore promiscuous, less intelligent, less mentally healthy, less competent, and morerisky than men who accepted the same offer.”
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Whether this is because of female jealousy towards other females in general or if it’ssimply social conditioning that says women should be faithful to her man, the reality isthat women are often hardest on themselves. Cosmo also said that in another survey,women admitted they would avoid opportunities for casual sex to avoid being labeled aslut.So what actually makes you a slut? The opinion of others. Oftentimes, the same menwho constantly want sex from women. Slut shaming is a power trip and nothing more.Counterpoint: Sluthood is Reckless BehaviorAnother perspective of the issue is that the label of slut is only earned when a womanmakes reckless sexual choices, and actually exposes herself to danger because of asexual addiction. This is hypothetically true, but only the extent that it affects a man inthe same way. If a person seeks sexual experiences at the expense of his/her marriageor children, or puts himself or herself in danger to have these sexual experience, then itwould be considered an unhealthy addiction. Sexual addiction may even involve takingextreme sexual risks like working as a prostitute, escort or porn star.However, Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., focuses in on a key element: “I fit all the criteria forhaving a bona fide sex addiction to a T, except for one crucial element: shame. It is thisone little horrific emotion that drives millions of so-called sex addicts to spendexponential amounts of money in therapy every year, and just as many to seek supportin groups and addiction programs.”That’s telling because living with personal shame is the key issue. If you are living inshame and experiencing stress from your sexual behavior, then there are only twochoices to make: let go of the shame and embrace casual sex or stop engaging in thebehavior that offends you or your family and friends. To live in both words, to followyour lust and suffer from shame is a disaster waiting to happen.According to Psychology Today in a study by Martin Monto and Anna Carey of theUniversity of Portland, in 2004 to 2012, casual sex statistics increased dramatically,especially among US citizens ages 18 to 25. It is simply a trend of our changing societyand (most of the time) has nothing to do with mental health.Greg Dillon, MD, also adds another comment that will help you determine what hookingup really means to you. “You may well be a slut, but that would be a morality call, notgenerally the purview of a psychiatrist.”Casual sex is a choice and an ethical or morale discussion. The majority of people whocall themselves slut or have been called sluts, would NOT qualify as sufferers of sexualaddiction. They are simply women living the same way men do. So hook up and shutup…be happy with the decisions you make or change your behavior.
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