Mating in the 21st Century appears to be like something right out of a horror Sci-Fi flick or a Twilight Zone episode in which humans have forgotten how to be intimate or even how to communicate face-to-face; therefore, they need a handheld electronic device to point them in the direction of other nearby humans eager to swipe their way to a hit-and-run hook-up.
In case you didn’t know, mobile dating, hook-up, and meet-up apps abound – Tinder, OK Cupid, Hinge, Bumble to name just a few – and millions and millions of Millennials expertly navigate their way around these Jetson-type apps. According to one of my twenty-something male clients, “This swipe and meet stuff can be highly addictive resulting in over-the-top behaviors,” that I refer to as Bumble Binging.
Way too many single women roam these apps hoping to cross paths with Mr. Right, but more than likely they’ll just find Mr. Right for Now, Mr. Wrong for All Time, Mr. Psycho, or Mr. Syphilis; but an equally worse case scenario is believing that you’ve found “the one” on a dating app, only to discover that you can be his hook-up, his friend with benefit, or his F*ck Buddy, but not his girlfriend, his fiancée, or his wife.
As a relationship coach and psychic what I have seen, far too often, is this sad truth: and, sure, there are exceptions to every rule, blah, blah, blah, but once a hook-up, always a hook-up, and a swipe is no way to become a wife.
To illustrate my point, I’ll share Jane’s story. (Names changed of course to protect all parties involved.) Jane met Dick on Tinder and they immediately hooked-up. Dick continued to see Jane for more than a year whenever the spirit moved him. Jane’s feelings grew for him, and she would come to me asking what Dick was thinking and feeling. I would continually tell her that she shouldn’t be running from psychic to psychic to figure out what Dick was feeling about her, that she needed to ask him what his intentions were, and to calmly state the fact that she wanted more from him than an occasional booty call. I told her that the likelihood of this Tinder-thing turning into a real relationship was slim to none, since they hadn’t started their whole affair out on the right foot to begin with. I continually warned her that he was seeing other women and that she must practice safe sex to be sure that she didn’t catch a venereal disease from him. Still she was totally shocked when he called to tell her that he had herpes and that she should be tested for it, and by the way, he had met a really nice woman at work, and he was dating her, and he couldn’t see her anymore, because he wanted to be loyal to his new girlfriend. Jane was devastated, crying as she asked, “Why could he commit to her and not to me?” I told her that this woman obviously told him that if he wanted to be with her, then he had to be with only her, and he, at least for now, was willing to give monogamy a try; and besides, catching herpes from all his one-night swiping stands probably scared the living hell out of him.
My best advice to women is this: If you are Tinderizing, Happning, and Bumbling around, then don’t expect a fairytale ending. Fully expect these Princes to turn into the Beast in record time. If you sleep with a Tinder King you aren’t going to end up feeling like a Princess; you’re going to wind up feel like a sex slave.
Remember, if you’re using these apps, you’re basically signing on for no-strings attached sex, so do expect to take a pounding. These apps are set up to be short-term dating strategies, offering instant gratification, not long-term commitment.
Oh, yeah, and please, listen up, Girlfriends: stop deluding yourself that the double standard doesn’t exist anymore – it does and you know it, and I know it, and everybody else on the planet knows it, too!
If you must use these apps, then use them with caution and don’t operate when under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or you may find that every time you cross paths with a dating-apper, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and you’ll end up doing a marathon walk of shame singing, “Wee, Wee, Wee,” all the way home.
Cindi Sansone-Braff, The Romance Whisperer, talks to the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships. Free excerpts of these books are available on Amazon. Call-in or listen every Thursday night, 7:00 pm EST, to her radio show, where you can get free psychic and relationship advice: www.blogtalkradio.com/higher-love. Be sure to check out her web site at: www.grantmeahigherlove.com. She was named Best Psychic five years in a row by the Long Island Press, recommended by Newsday as one of the best psychic/mediums on Long Island, featured in the Daily News and Cablevision’s Neighborhood Journal. Visit her Facebook Page: Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships.