This was a crazy weekend for me. All day festivals in which I read Tarot cards and ran a relationship workshop.
On Saturday, I was blessed to be at the Sheraton Hotel in Smithtown for a most successful festival. This event was hosted by an incredibly spirited and generous woman, Bonnie Thompson of Crescent Moon Goddess, a highly respected company, which has been in business for over eighteen years and specializes in bringing the community together with uplifting spiritual events. The energy there was blissful and extraordinary.
The workshop topic of the day was about Soul Mates — How to Recognize One. I was honored by the number of people who came to listen and participate. I was so surprised to see many of my Tarot clients, who also have read the book, in attendence. Since the book has only been out a short time, talking about it and the loving ideals and ideas it teaches is new to me. Although I have been a professional entertainer all of my life (10,000 plus shows at this point), I have always been plagued with stage fright. Only the bigger and more tangible fear of not providing for my family, kept this self-generating fear somewhat in check.
Admittedly, it’s hard for me these days to face an audience without a costume. Portraying a power character such as Cinderella or Supergirl, or being a Belly dancer donning a beautiful costume and with the power of that ancient and enduring art underneath my shimmy belt, definitely helps booster my confidence. But in this new role, I stand, just me, in my own everyday shoes, sans glass or ruby slippers, wondering is Supergirl really Supergirl without her cape? Can I still access my goddess energy without a tiara or seven veils to dance with? These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my mind nowadays.
For this reason, I have been practicing my meditation with a Buddhist Monk in an effort to help center myself for the long, hard road ahead of me. Marketing the book is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Everything else I’ve ever done has spread like wildfire by word-of-mouth. Unfortunately, this method will not sell enought copies of the book to make any dent in the world, and therefore I really have to take my show on the road in a much larger way. So, I come each day to the task — sometimes kicking, often screaming. Last week, when this wise Buddhist Monk asked me, “Why are you here?” I told him, “I need to feel comfortable in my own skin, walking in my own shoes.”
When I woke up on Saturday, the stage fright demon was rearing its ugly head. But having been a theatre major in college I’ve learned — the show must go on. Later that afternoon, as I looked out into my audience, and saw my Tarot clients — Annette, Nicole, Mary and her daughter, Peggy, and Kim and her children, looking back at me with love, respect, and admiration, my fear melted away. I can not tell them enough how much their presence filled me with strength. Their unconditional love and support gave me courage that I didn’t know I had. I was moved by the loving words they expressed telling me and others how much I have helped them and how much the book means to them. Suddenly all the angst and hard work paled in comparison, and made my fear of failure, rejection, and God knows what else, slip away.
Later, Annette came up to me and hugged me. She said, “You are a great speaker. You could go anywhere, on any television show and knock’em dead. I was so proud of you and impressed by how comfortable you were in your own shoes!” When she said that, I knew she was delivering a message from on high to me that was meant to confirm that my prayers and meditations have been heard. Yes, I filled my own shoes!!!
What more can I ask for? Clients who are also dear friends and supporters and spirit guides who believe in me, even when my own ego — that unrelenting enemy within with its nameless and countless fears — tries to sabotage me.
Additionally, my friend and personal assistant, Marjorie Coluccio, made the event run smoothly for me. She has been there every step of the way for me. I don’t know what I would do without her.
God knows, this weekend — I got by with a little help from my friends!